When do you decide to let it go? How long do hold onto something than is no longer in your grasp? Living on the fumes of our memories from London and in the haste of an abrupt move has left me holding onto something that I fear needs to be let free. It used to be more frequent but even 5 months later I get this sensation of unsettled feelings; I become overwhelmed with emotion as I am brought back, through my memories, of our life in London. So many people have asked “what was it about that city that made you so happy” and the honest truth is…. I don’t know.
Sometimes I think it was the tiny flat we lived in and the fact we survived on just what we had and the desire for “more” was never about space, objects or possessions. Sometimes I think it was the abundance of opportunities of daily exploration in a city rich with history, culture and pride. Sometimes I think it was the freedom of failure and success that rested solely on our shoulders and there was no obligation to share those moments. Sometimes I think it was the neighborhood we lived in where we were able to feel grounded, establish a happy routine yet the world was at our fingertips.
Over the last several months I have been searching for the same amount of happiness I felt in London- we have considered moving again, we have talked about changing our family, we have discussed spending summers in London…but the reality is none of those things will make me happy. I am to the point that I believe my holding onto a past is at the root of my inability to find grounded happiness here in Colorado.
I miss London. But I miss being blissfully happy even more. If I am continuously yearning and constantly thinking about the past than I am not allowing myself and open heart or mind to accept my present life. And not just accept but to be happy. Acceptance is step one and I am there. I know we are here. The next step is to put those memories, experiences and adventures in a safe place close to my heart where they will remain forever. Thus allowing my heart to be open and clear to find the happiness waiting for me here in Colorado. I know it is here.. but I have been so clouded by the past I have not seen it… truthfully I have not been looking. I am perpetually living in the past- even if it is just a few times a month- I need to be present here in this moment. I owe myself this opportunity. Finding happiness in my life now does not lessen or diminish the memories of London, it does not mean I can not look back fondly nor does it take away from the experience. Finding happiness here actually validates our time in London… I learned a lot and changed so much- time to act on those principles.
Photos: Jenna Sparks Photography
shop the look: Denim // tunic top // Sandals // Sunnies // necklace
I am in love with white denim as you can tell from this recent post <here> and this one <here> but I am also loving this flowy tunic top from Free People. Denver can get pretty hot in the summer but mornings and evenings are cool and this look is perfect for the changing temperatures. These white denim are an absolute staple and I believe everyone should have at least one pair of white denim so I have linked several pairs. This blue top has been simply amazing and for those who travel it packs really well. It’s breezy which makes it easy to wear on warmer days.
YOU GUYS… BOWS ON TOES!!!! And these babies are under $25!!! Been kind of loving Target sandal line up this year and these are my favorite. Who doesn’t want to wear bows on your toes?????
My dainty “D” initial necklace was my birthday gift from Brendan and I have yet to take it off.. .you have been seeing it in all my Instagram (make sure you are following me) photos! I love how small and subtle it is but has the perfect amount of bling with the diamond encrusted initial.
P.S.- had some technical difficulties with the links and trying to make them a different color- so everything is linked below in the picture shop widget- sorry!
the signs it is time
The latest terror attack in London.
Going to a play where all the actors were British and it took place in the U.K.
All of our boxes arriving from London.
My son continuing to call me “Mummy”
If I look around London is such a part of my everyday life- without me even realizing it. I no longer need to live in the past. The memories and experiences will and do live on in my life- the art on the wall- the way Declan says my name- the family photos we have- the stamps in my passport- the key to our flat I wear as a necklace- the clothes I bought there- the food we smuggled in and slowly treat ourselves to– its the small subtle things. It is time. London is not lost to me and despite the tears I cried while writing this I am ready.
My hear it open and happy.
With Love,
38 Comments
kimberly
$25 for those sandals?! I need them ASAP! Those are just so cute! I love white denim with blue, it’s just like the perfect summer mix 🙂
Kimberly
June 13, 2017 at 7:53 amhttp://www.brunchandgloss.com
pishtoposh
Kimberly- my thoughts exactly on the sandals!!
June 13, 2017 at 9:08 amA
Marquita @LovetheLaniers
I’m as glad that you’re finding happiness in your current situation as I am to here those sandals are only $25….so VERY GLAD! 😉 Big huge blessings to you in Colorado, which I know is gorgeous. A good friend recently moved there and posts the most amazing pictures!
June 13, 2017 at 9:36 ampishtoposh
Marquita- Colorado has some of the most stunning views in the world- I am blessed to see it everyday!
June 13, 2017 at 4:17 pmFASHION TALES
Ah, what a lovely post. I also miss London but now I am sort of between three cities because of work. You can always be inspired wherever you are, I usually try to bring my favourite teas and that helps. My mum sends me Barrys tea and a few of her recipes helps. <3
June 13, 2017 at 10:05 amFASHION TALES
pishtoposh
I have a few friends bring me goodies and such!!! I miss all the yummy food!
June 13, 2017 at 4:16 pmA
Ashley Markwood
I love this whole outfit!
June 13, 2017 at 10:26 amAngela at The Fancy Ranch Life
I love your outfit! The sandals are super cute! You’ll always have pieces of London in your heart and will soon love Colorado as well! It’s a beautiful state!!
June 13, 2017 at 10:49 ampishtoposh
Angela- Given I am from here there is a huge piece of heart attached to Colorado it is time I embrace that!
June 13, 2017 at 4:16 pmA
Laura Mitbrodt
Your top is so pretty, I love it with the white jeans
June 13, 2017 at 11:06 amxo
http://www.laurajaneatelier.com
pishtoposh
Laura- I am totally obsessed with it, so glad you like it.
June 13, 2017 at 4:15 pmA
Belle
Love how you paired that top with white jeans; so perfect for summer!
Belle | One Awesome Momma
June 13, 2017 at 11:50 ampishtoposh
Thanks love!
June 13, 2017 at 4:15 pmA
Claire
Girl…I’m going to need you coaching me through these feelings in about 3 months. When you figure out how to hold on and let go at the same time, please let me know.
p.s. You look gorgeous as always!?
June 13, 2017 at 12:16 pmpishtoposh
Step 1: smuggle in all the Waitrose bread you can.
June 13, 2017 at 4:14 pmStep 2: Dont move.
A
Charlotte
I recently heard a visual that described life transitions as letting go of one trapeze to jump and grab the next. While letting go is scary and hard, and flying through midair is frightening, it’s often those moments that are most exciting and transformational. It sounds like you are currently flying through midair – I have no doubt you’re about to grasp your next trapeze bar and continue to soar. Thanks for sharing your heart!
June 13, 2017 at 1:33 pmpishtoposh
WOW- thanks Charlotte!!
June 13, 2017 at 4:14 pmA
Shannon | Mom Without Labels
Thank you for sharing your heart, girl! Letting go can be so hard but as my friend Moana says, “You can find happiness right where you are”. (Sorry, I have two girls.. LOL). Also, I love this look!
June 13, 2017 at 1:50 pmpishtoposh
Hey I will take the advice from anywhere- even Disney!!
June 13, 2017 at 4:13 pmA
Delayna
I am loving this outfit! I love love love white jeans for summer!!
June 13, 2017 at 2:46 pmmuah looking fab
Delayna
pishtoposh
Thanks love!
June 13, 2017 at 4:13 pmA
Debbie Savage
I love your posts! My heart goes out to you for your honestly and authenticity. You are still in the adjustment phase. Moving is a huge process and for you it is bigger because it was from a different country. Be gentle with yourself. I think you are beautiful and your light is radiant! Time is always our friend.
June 13, 2017 at 3:09 pmxo Debbie | http://www.tothineownstylebetrue.com
pishtoposh
You are, seriously, too kind Debbie! Thank you for your continued support!
June 13, 2017 at 4:12 pmA
Rachel
Oh my goodness! I loved reading this post. I’m sure it took a lot for you to share that story. Moving is a very tough process, and I think that you sharing this story is putting you just one step closer to being blissfully happy again.
xo Rachel | http://www.thesassroom.com
June 13, 2017 at 3:33 pmpishtoposh
Thanks Rachel- I am certainly ready to try!
June 13, 2017 at 4:12 pmA
Alison
Love those shoes!! Target has been great this year
June 13, 2017 at 3:48 pmpishtoposh
I agree Alison, Target is spot on!!
June 13, 2017 at 4:11 pmA
Clair
This outfit!! I want it all 🙂
June 13, 2017 at 4:50 pmJessica Peresta
I love the white jeans and the flowy shirt. So so cute and right up my style alley.
June 13, 2017 at 7:28 pmApril
Cute outfit. I love your slip ons. I know how it feels like to be away from home, it’s like a part of you is missing but deep inside it’s always there, we are always connected to it.
June 13, 2017 at 9:14 pmpishtoposh
April- I agree about always being connected to home. Thanks for stopping by!
June 19, 2017 at 12:25 pmA
Nicole
How amazing you lived in London! Thank you for sharing this Amanda and you look amazing as always. ?
June 13, 2017 at 9:17 pmSusan
What a beautiful, heart-felt post, Amanda. It took me 35 years of searching for happiness to learn that “happy” is circumstantial, but “joy” can be found in the most unexpected times. Sounds like you’re getting quite the grasp on that yourself! ?
June 13, 2017 at 10:26 pmpishtoposh
Thank you so much Susan! So true about finding joy in the unexpected!
June 19, 2017 at 12:24 pmA
Annie Thompson
What a beautiful post. I hope you do find more happiness in Colorado (or wherever life may lead you.) After spending some time in London, I can see why you miss it so! Love those white jeans!
June 14, 2017 at 9:51 amhanna - platforms and pacifiers
This outfit is ADORABLE! Totally loving those jeans and those shoes are perfect for summer!
June 14, 2017 at 11:51 amAngela Kim
Those flats are so cute! So many terrorist attacks in London and around Europe, it’s frightening. London is on my bucket list because my favorite writer is Virginia Woolf and she describes it with so much sentiments. One day, when kids are older I can go visit. London sounds like a beautiful place but I’m certain when you look around, the joy and gratitude is right there. 😉
June 15, 2017 at 9:56 amLeila
I love this post so much! London made me who I am today and I love this city!! So many memories! Beautiful outfit!
June 15, 2017 at 3:32 pm