Moments of clarity do not come very often when you are a parent. Most moments are navigated like I am wearing a blind-fold in a darken wood riddled with booby traps. There are many more moments of questioning than of certainty. And with all those moments of questioning brings advice; some solicited and some not. But it comes… from your spouse, from your mother, from the pediatrician, from your friends, from the kids teacher, from the internet, from complete strangers, from books… need I list more??
As a new parent (because I don’t have older children) each phase is a trial by fire and most of the time it is a fail. But not due to lack of advice. Because this is my first (and only) go around for parenting people feel they need to help me, guide me and flat out tell me what to do. While I admit I do not know everything and in the scheme of life I probably know very little I am not totally incompetent. The one thing I am confident of is how well I know my own son. I am an EXPERT on my son. No one knows him better, no one cares more about his success (except his dad), no one devotes more of their time to raise him and therefore no one has the right tell me how to be a parent… especially when it is unsolicited.
“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do” -Matt Walsh
Now, let’s get a few things straight. I am not so stubborn to never ask or seek advice from people who have walked this road. Nor am I so high on my soap box to not listen to a different perspective. I get that being as close to Declan as I am makes my field of vision very small. And like EVERY parent I get fixated on certain aspects and it is hard for me to see past them. Additionally, due to our tough first year with Declan, I am way more sensitive to aspects of development and growth than some of my mama friends. I get that. That is a me issue.
SHOP MY LOOK: MADEWELL PERFECT SUMMER JEAN // H&M BOAT NECK JERSEY TOP // ASH BOOTIES <SIMILAR> // DAVID YURMAN INITIAL PENDANT NECKLACE
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SORTING THROUGH THE ADVICE
- Remember the Source. Strangers advice is like dust in the wind… it is gone and forgotten as fast as it was delivered. My husbands advice is paramount in parenting, I mean duh! So I take that very seriously and to heart. My friends advice is always (maybe) appreciated but I have to keep in mind their parenting style, their road to success and their story- which more often than not is different than mine.
- Listen to Your Gut and Intuition. As a mother you have innate and intuitive sense as to what is best and 99% of the time you will be right. Do what feels right. Many times throughout Declan’s life I have shied away from the advice and followed my gut and I am so thankful I did. At the end of the day you know best. Trust yourself.
- Never Act on Impulse. For me, this one is the hardest. I am an instant gratification type of person so when I am given advice that I think is helpful I want to immediately change my entire life. My thought is if I change something in that moment it will be an instant solution to whatever problem I am having but that is not how life works- especially parenting. It, normally, takes time and patience.
- Stand Up for Yourself. This is the hardest one for me and to be honest I pretty much suck at it. As in I never do it. Reminding the advice givers that you are the ultimate expert and to keep their opinions to themselves is next to impossible but so important. It reminds “them” that you may ask for some advice or suggestions but you are the gate keeper of the implementation; you are the one who will ultimately decide if the advice fits in your parenting philosophy and style. And if it doesn’t that does not mean you dislike the person giving the advice or that you won’t call upon them in the future. We shouldn’t get just one shot at this.
My intention is not to come across as too good for advice or annoyed at those that offer it. Believe me I have some amazing friends and family who have given me life changing advice and I am extremely appreciative. Those who have gone through different parenting phases are a gold-mine for quick tips and ideas. At least once a week I reach out to my mama friends asking questions and seeking advice. Parenting is not a solo journey nor should it be.
Oh, and the irony of this post is not lost on me… I am giving you advice on how to take less advice. I get it.
THE BEST ADVICE
I have heard my fair share of advice on all kinds of parenting topics. But to this day the best advice I have been given is this….
“Give him love. All your son needs is to be loved. He will thrive on your love.”
And so each day amidst the mountains of advice I come back to this life changing statement. Love them.
With Love,
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